Shipping & Handling

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A good mother makes sure everyone in her family sleeps on nice clean sheets. Many things can get in the way of this precept. But a good mother keeps on trying. I consider myself a good mother. So here begins the drama. We travel annually to an island retreat where we are required to provide our own towels and bedding. I actually applaud this idea, due to personal phobias as well as simple management concepts for the property owners. During the "high" season, this place is rented chock-full for months on end. Who could do laundry from afar without live-in help? Most of these homeowners live in another state.

This year we chose a different property, about a dozen doors down the beachfront from the one we got to know and love during the last decade. One of the bags that gets packed first for our trip is stuffed to the gills with sheets and towels. Complete matching sets, allbeit old and weathered, but lovely and loved just the same. (Here's a freaky note for you predestiny believers out there...the first time we entered the two main bedrooms each queen-sized bed had only comforters on them. Each of those comforters EXACTLY matched sets of sheets I had 1000 miles away at home! You can bet I brought those sheets every year thereafter...I still don't believe it was coincidence)

So this trip, in addition to expecting to discover new decorating styles and (hopefully) better equipment in the chef's kitchen, we do not know what to expect for blankets/quilts on the beds. And therein lies the problem. This place has a king bed. I don't, so I had to find myself a set of king sheets. They are about as expensive as a set of tires for an SUV. Plus I did not want to drive around the shopping malls, wasting precious expensive-tired SUV gasoline, to find nice sheets (high thread-count) at I'll-use-them-once-a-year prices.

Enter the idea. In a brilliant but last-minute thought I decided to buy online. I do this often. (buy online...) When we moved the tween into a new room, as you may recall, I was mightily impressed with the quality and price of bedding I found online (for yet another size bed we did not have "in stock"). So I brainstormed that I would browse the clearance section of the same company's website to see if I could find king sheets for less than a king's ransom. Well I did, but by the time I got smart enough to tackle the issue, I had three days in which to solve the problem before the wagon trains set south!

Hello shipping and handling, aka "we gotcha' comin' & goin'"! I needed express shipping. And I needed it desperately. It added up to almost half the deeply discounted price of the really nice sheets. I still felt I could rationalize this, since I had not driven 80 miles round trip to a shopping mall (or two) where I would have inevitably bought much more than a single set of new sheets. (It was, of course, my Birthday Weekend, which historically implies "anything the princess wants, she gets.") The lady on the phone assured me UPS would deliver the package Tuesday. Since my friend the UPS guy always comes down my street at 6 pm, I knew that only gave me an eleven hour window. I was not going out begging for lousy sheets to use in the glorious beach house at the 11th hour! I believed the lady on the phone. I bought the sheets.

Today, I calmly called the company twice because the online reports on my shipping status were grim. "Pending". That is meaningless. I need a UPS tracking number, names of UPS loading docks, cities, and times of departure and arrival scans between Tenessee & my house! The unlucky lady who took my 7pm call was in trouble before she knew it. She confirmed that there was no information about shipping status. I already knew this. I was no dummy, just desperate for king sheets. She put me on hold while she (as the one at noon had done before her) checked with "someone". Still no information. Then I was on hold again while she spoke with a supervisor. (Freshen up her coffee...). There was no information available. At this point I calmly told her that I wanted to cancel the order, no kidding. She put me on hold, yet again, so she could talk to cancellation. And lo and behold a miracle occurred! The cancellation department had special, secret information about shipping that was mysteriously unavailable to the rest of the entire company! My package was 1). out for delivery to arrive on Wednesday, and 2). unable to be cancelled. I still can't believe they thought I would accept such a line of baloney, and I asked the lady that many times. She sounded crestfallen. "No, it does not make sense that only the cancellation department would have accurate shipping data." Yeah, right! And I was hatched alongside the Easter Bunny last spring. I warned her to note in my file that I would be expecting a full refund of my purchase price, all shipping, handling, restocking, taxes, and return shipping fees charged. Then I hung up. Now we'll have to see if that UPS guy slows down by my house tomorrow at 6, or if I have to make a quick Birthday shopping road trip, without any shipping and handling.

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2 Comments

Colleen Kervin said:

Love this site, Carol. I have an extra set of really nice, sateen King-size sheets that you may borrow for vacation anytime, providing that Bob will sleep in pink sheets, of course!

Also, would you please publish your recipe for getting rid of fruit flies?

Thanks so much!

Colleen

Carol said:

What a nice surprise to see that you've been reading.
Bob cares not about sheet color, his eyes are closed! You will be happy to hear that the sheets arrived today, having been "mysteriously" upgraded to overnight shipping. They don't know who they're up against here, I have become a professional online shopper. I take names, notes and I kick a$$. I'll post the fruity fly recipe pronto. It worked wonders at The Chocolate Moose last week. We must have caught a few hundred. Somebody left the back door open and we were inundated.
Thanks for commenting,
Carol

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This page contains a single entry by Carol published on July 24, 2006 7:19 PM.

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